Sneezes During a Vasectomy

Picture a group of friends—Mike, Dave, and Tom—gathered in Mike’s backyard, beers in hand, lounging in lawn chairs as they chat about life, kids, and eventually, the dreaded topic of vasectomies.

Dave, the resident wisecracker, starts off, “So, Mike, I heard you’re finally going under the knife. Ready to trade in the swim team for a couple of goldfish?”

Mike winces, taking a swig of his beer. “Man, don’t remind me. I keep telling myself it’s just a ‘little snip,’ but that ‘little snip’ is coming awfully close to home, if you know what I mean.”

Tom, the over-researcher of the group, chimes in, “Hey, I read that it only takes 15 minutes. It’s like an express lane surgery—boom, you’re out and on the couch with an ice pack.”

Dave laughs, “Yeah, if you survive the awkward small talk with the doc while he’s down there, working on the family jewels.”

Mike groans, “I didn’t even think about that. What do you say while the guy’s poking around? ‘So, uh, come here often?’”

Tom nods sagely. “Just don’t ask him for a high five when it’s done. That could get weird.”

Dave chuckles, “And whatever you do, don’t make any sudden movements. The last thing you want is to jolt the guy holding the scalpel.”

Mike rubs his temples, “You guys are really helping my confidence here. I’m already imagining the worst—what if he sneezes mid-snip?”

Dave grins, “Relax, man. It’s not like they have a ‘try again’ button if things go sideways.”

Tom smirks, “Just think, after it’s all done, you’ve got the ultimate excuse to milk some sympathy. ‘Honey, I’m still sore, can you bring me another beer?’ It’s the gift that keeps on giving.”

Mike sighs, “Well, I guess there’s that. And no more late-night diaper duty either.”

Dave raises his beer, “To Mike, the bravest man among us. May your couch be comfy, your ice packs plentiful, and your TV remote never out of reach.”

They all laugh, clinking their bottles together as Mike mutters, “You guys better be this supportive when it’s your turn.”